Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
