Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
