I need to stop coming to work sober
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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