We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize