Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
