I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
