I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
