I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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