YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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