You're so nebulous sometimes
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
