I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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