Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am one with the molecules
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
