the condom got lost in my hair
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The uberlube is also flammable
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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