I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
