Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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