Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize