a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
