The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
