i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
