If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
