i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
