Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
