Is it normal to miss your booty call?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
