When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
