sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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