it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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