You can't motorboat a personality
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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