You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We need to get me chipped asap
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
