i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
