All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
