am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
