she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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