the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
