nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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