so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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