I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
