I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
