it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
