While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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