Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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