I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
