it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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