Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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