i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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