mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
