the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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