Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
