I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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