So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
