sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this will be a night to untag.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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