In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
