You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
