I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
