you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
