Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
