I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
