the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
