Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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