Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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