So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
