I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
