cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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