So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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