after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
