His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
