you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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