I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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