i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
