I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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