your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
