WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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