Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
