Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
