my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
