I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
