Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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