whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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