you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
