That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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