he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
