i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
